


be my alcohol

by rischaa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Also a bit of Angst, Character Study, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Kageyama Tobio-centric, M/M, Post-Time Skip, Pro Volleyball Player Hinata Shouyou, Pro Volleyball Player Kageyama Tobio, ch.387 manga spoilers, he's not very good w them but he's got his sister, kageyama deals with feelings, rly it's just me writing why they're soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:02:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23275999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rischaa/pseuds/rischaa
Summary: `drunk is an emotion he never knows what to do with.`-an instrospective look into how kageyama gets drunk three times in his life.once on volleyball and then some, because just like any other human, kageyama tobioloves.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 10
Kudos: 181





	be my alcohol

**Author's Note:**

> i had to write this after reading such an emotional chapter and also this is my first fic in years and also my first in the haikyuu fandom despite having grown up with it since the anime first released. i hope i do justice to their characters :') i have never loved these two more than now. furudate-sensei has rly done us good. 
> 
> pls enjoy this mess i wrote in an hour and a half. (totally unbeta'd and has a ton of mistakes.)
> 
> [ ♫ ; listened to [rocketeer - far east movement (clara c cover)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dStdUl5m6iI) \+ kid krow - conan gray (album) whilst writing it]

there’s a roar in the air, an ache in his chest and fire running through his veins.

there is also the silence ringing loudly in his head and he feels numb. _god,_ it feels like he’s drunk. kageyama has only ever gotten drunk once and only once and _since_ _then,_ he understands what the phrase drunk in love means. it happens, easily, quickly and it makes you go dizzy and unable to see what’s right and wrong. it feels like you’re invincible, brimming with every emotion in his soul- content, joyous, heavy, and _oh so bittersweet._

drunk is an emotion he never knows what to do with. he doesn’t drink the alcohol when he’s asked to go out for dinners and _yet_ he seems to feel drunk all the time. drunk on volleyball- _that feeling’s the greatest (to touch the ball, the rush of joy; connection)_ and of _course he’s an alcoholic for it._ he yearns for it, wants it, breathes it in like it’s _his_ purpose and _life._ simply put, kageyama cannot live without it.

in the volleyball he loves _so_ much, he knows and feels _every feeling._

he feels the way he felt countless smiles grace his face as he watched several _tapes- two chairs, tv glare against their faces, tips being said, a hand on his shoulder telling him, ‘look closer, tobio.’_ he feels the _life_ breathe in through his soul, remembering the way his grandfather would be by his side for _years_. he feels the life breathe in iv drips for days in his grandfather and feels a world of loss when his grandfather tells him he’s too tired to watch volleyball with him.

and then _he feels it all at once;_ drunk on feelings when the life breathes out of _him_ and kageyama dies for the first time in his life as he watches flowers blooming by the casket. he doesn’t want to be here with his sister who _left_ him too.

he wants to run and get drunk on adrenaline. _pretend like he’s running by his side like he did when he was younger._

and so he plays volleyball; _it’s safe,_ tobio tells himself naively. _oikawa doesn’t want to teach him._

(oikawa and iwaizumi fight in front of him. kageyama learns that six is stronger and _you can’t play alone.)_

his tuxedo hangs on the back of his door and it smells _like his death_ and of flowers. kageyama cries, volleyball in his arms, embracing it and he drives himself mad that night, wishing he wasn’t dead (that he would just come alive, please! ple-) he watches every tape he’s watched with his grandfather and _plays like he’s possessed._

kageyama dies for the second time when he hears the ball drop, no spiker there, and he feels _alone._

he doesn’t cry anymore. he’s grown out of that. after all, he’s gotten used to this feeling.

kageyama keeps to his routine of indecisive decisions, milk cartons, hands in his jacket’s pockets, and _volleyball._ he plays alone when the season ends and applies for karasuno. he feels like he’s withering inside as he is _yearning for his grandfather— he wishes for him to come back so he can hug him and tell him to get stronger and play harder._

then he meets hinata shoyou in karasuno’s gym.

kageyama tobio feels life breathed back into him again and it is everything _exhilarating._

he doesn’t run alone when he races anymore. there’s someone who’s competing _against_ him and _can_ keep up with him. it sends him feeling all weird, unable to decipher what’s really going on. a turmoil of emotions run through him when he’s with karasuno and most of the time, _it’s hinata’s fault._

hinata makes him angry, frustrated, _excited_ , happy, and _miserable_ all at once. they fight, bicker, text each other when they’re bored, _fail tests together_ , and he’s a freak. hinata shoyou is a freak like him and he feels his heart brim with an unexplainable feeling of joy when people call them the freak duo with _the_ quick. he is _his setter_ just as much as hinata is _his spiker._ it makes him smile like some dumb idiot, the way his sister does when she talks about her boyfriend, when he thinks of hinata late at night in the midst of volleyball techniques. being with him makes him feel like he’s alive and invincible and proud.

everything feels right with hinata, even when they fight, _it’s right._

he lets himself feel _all of this_ for three years and then just like that _he’s gone from his side._

_“i’m here,”_ he’s supposed to say, but he’s gone now.

so he gets his shoes and tracksuit and _gets out at 3 am_ to run. _he’s alone_ and he feels like _crying. it’s painful and inexplicable to why he’s feeling this way._

his sister is awake the dawn of the day after graduation, waiting in their living room and she hugs him for the first time in _years._ she’s got her hair let down, longer than ever and she has this look in her eyes that look _pained._ she walks over to him and hugs him tight like she’s never done before

she whispers, _“tobio, you’re burning with hurt inside. you’re drunk.”_

he’s lost, his brain still reeling from the adrenaline rush of his morning run, and he slowly heaves out, _“drunk on what?”_

_“love,”_ she tells him and he understands now. he understands why it left a bitter taste in his mouth this morning when _he wasn’t there._

kageyama tobio was _in love_ and he _can’t tell him._

so he waits _and waits and_ they keep in touch, text every week or so. sometimes it takes them months.

kageyama falls in love through pictures hinata posts on social media and it stays that way _for years_ because he’d rather wait.

it is this unspoken thing in the air when they clash and meet on the court, opposite sides and _they smile at each other._

_“you’re here,” it hangs in the air as the ball flies through the air countless times._

and it gets him drunk. he drinks in the feeling of playing volleyball _like_ it’s his last and he drinks in the sight of hinata and his presence on the court. he gets drunk on the feeling of being alive and the roars in the air and _the thrill._ he gets drunk with how technical hinata has gotten and how beautiful his form is when he floats on the court, spiking. hinata is gorgeous and he almost wishes _he_ was the _one_ setting that ball to him instead.

he gets drunk on all of it, the smile evident on his face and plastered on his soul. _his grandfather was right about it all_ for kageyama finds his greatest and strongest opponent in the person he’s fallen head over heels for.

the game ends and _there’s a roar in the air, an ache in his chest and fire running through his veins._

_he feels drunk_ and possessed as he walks over to him.

kageyama’s gaze is set on the floor and stops as soon as the sight of _his_ sneakers come into view. hinata collides into him and for the first time in years, there is an unspoken silence between them. they don’t fight nor bicker. instead, hinata closes his eyes and rests his head against kageyama’s chest, close by his heart that’s thrumming loud like the thunderclaps of a storm. hinata embraces him and before kageyama knows it, he feels his shirt go wet.

the _'i missed you'_ goes unsaid and kageyama understands it all too well.

_oh, he’s crying._ _dumbass._

_“i heard that, kageyama,”_ hinata mutters into his shirt, the embrace getting tighter. 

he looks at hinata who’s crying _and_ god, _does he love him._ god, _has he missed him._ relief rushes through him as he relishes in the way he awkwardly comforts hinata. it's different from the times he's done it through text or video call and it feels _right_ to hug him back, the way his sister hugs her boyfriend (the way his grandfather hugs him laughing)- _oh how hinata reminds him of everything good in this life._ kageyama's hands fiddle with hinata's hair strands and _he feels calm now._

despite the loud roars in the audience, it feels like they’re in their own little world and here _it is silent._

“hey, _sho,”_ hinata looks up at him, eyes slightly red. he pulls away and kageyama has to wipe away his tears. “forever. _play forever with me.”_

“i thought that was already set in stone though?”

_dumbass indeed,_ kageyama sighs, almost frustrated. “no, _i mean,_ play _forever with me_ and be mine.”

hinata’s eyes widen. “you called me _sho_ out loud.” _cute, kageyama thinks._

“like i do in text. there’s barely any difference.”

“mine, as in yours?” hinata _is_ trying, he _really_ is, with the way his face is all so lost and scrunched up right now. “so, _forever_ in _that way?”_

he’s blushing now and his face is even redder than it was from after the match. _kageyama is going to lose it._ “yes, you dumbass.”

their teammates’ eyes find their eyes unto them and _kageyama feels like he’s really going to lose it now._ the embarassment is getting to him.

_“oh, you mean-“_ hinata is _breaking down_ in front of him and he has to restrain the need to laugh. _“oh.”_

_“can i kiss you? you’re being insufferable.”_

hinata can only but nod and kageyama cups _sho’s face_ and kisses his forehead. “it was high school, third year. _shut up,_ i can hear you thinking.”

_only then does he kiss his sho straight on the lips_ and he melts into the feeling. hinata wraps his arms around kageyama’s waist and _they get drunk_ _on each other._ kageyama has never felt _such_ euphoria in _years._ it feels right _after all this waiting._ hinata in his arms after a match and _he’s his. he’s always been his setter to his spiker but now he’s wholeheartedly all of his._

it’s a great feeling and _god he might just get hungover with this feeling_.

the kiss breaks and hinata looks at him with _just as much feeling_ , then looking down on the floor.

_“when you called me sho for the first time.”_ it’s a sheepish whisper, embarassed and kageyama smirks.

kageyama feels it bloom in his chest the life hinata has breathed into him, it grows even further, now _that he’s his._

he smiles wide, just like his grandfather had told him to do when he met his _second love,_ “forever then?”

_“forever, until the next life,”_ hinata grabs his hand and weaves it and _they run_ towards their teammates, colliding into their cheers.

there’s a roar in the air, an ache in his chest and

fire running through his veins and _kageyama has never felt so alive._

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr!!](https://starivaille.tumblr.com/) | god,, i hope y'all liked that mess?


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